June 28, 2013

Insomnia and fatigue.

The former started 12 years ago, on and off. Times of stress. Times when my brain just needed those hours in the middle of the night to process.

The fatigue, since I can’t remember when. I remember sleeping most days, but blaming it on partying all night. Days organising a dinner party with a nana nap in the afternoon. Studying, well a couple of hours at the books, an hour with my pillow.

When did this all begin?

At what point should I have seen the symptoms?

In 2004 I was pregnant. And exhausted. Terribly so. Blood test confirmed anemia and b12 deficiency. But was it more? It was only months after an optic neuritis attack.

In 2005, with 3 kids, again I was tired. Terribly, terribly so. Unable to get out of bed some days. Was this a sign? Of looming MS  or just being a mum?

I can’t remember a time when I have had energy. To burn. Adrenalin is easy. Create the deadline, grab and harness the energy. But once the project is delivered, exhaustion.

I love my husband and family. I desperately want to show them how much. Give them the energy they deserve.

Not really the blog I planned. But from my heart.