October 14, 2014

bird duck on lake mid right 2

When I started this blog, I had just been diagnosed with a chronic and incurable disease. I was ashamed that I felt so vulnerable. So unwilling to accept and wear my diagnosis like a badge of honour.

I am in the RRMS club, but don’t want to be a member.

Most days I am positive. But every now and then I hit a black spot. Depressed. Tired. Fearful. Forgetful. What does my future hold. I have spent far too many hours planning my invalidity retirement. Calculating the cost of forfeiting career and promotions.

So, when I am positive, I feel like a fraud trying to be inspiring. On black days, I don’t want to bring others down.

So I stayed away. Perhaps the best I can do for myself is be honest. Get the thoughts out of my head. And if it helps others, great. If not, hopefully they can help and inspire me.

In any case, I’m back.