December 14, 2013

 

We are all on this journey

But sometimes we need to be on our own.

This blog is me. Raw thoughts and feelings. But for the last year or so, I have struggled. I have reached out to the FB MS community. My name, my face. Here I am one of you, anyone.

So, this last year… Stressful job. Stupid hours and ambitious, relentless people. While studying, working full time, pre teen and teen kids and marriage.

Insomnia

Soul destroying, energy sapping insomnia. Tired and asleep by 10, waking by 2, lying awake until 5 and solidly asleep by alarm going off at 6. 3-5 times a week. Going out to the lounge and watching crap TV, hoping to drift off.

Foggy brain

It is more than just forgetfulness or old age. Confidence sapping. Loss of trust, in my own mind.

Tingling and twitches

Eye twitches. Surely everyone can see? Waking without feeling my hands and sometimes my feet.

Is this the last job I can do? When will my stupid disease be so obvious to others as it is to me? I lost that promotion, is it because of me or do they know? Is my brain fog as limiting as I fear?

Fears

Three years after dx I was still searching for acceptance. And sleep.